Saturday

  We were able to spend Saturday afternoon with a very special family. We have known Keith and Bianca since before either of our families had any children. We met at our birth classes and have kept in touch since. I can't believe that was 5 years ago now! Both me and Bianca were pregnant with our first and she was on bed rest, so we met at her house every Saturday morning for the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy. It was such an exciting time. I'm so glad that we have remained friends. Since then there have been 3 more babies between our two families. It is so nice to have a friend who is going through a lot of the same things at the same time as me. I know she 'gets it' when I talk about all the struggles parenting brings! I am going to miss our play dates and meetups, but I have to keep reminding myself, this is not goodbye, it's see you later. I have been a mess the last few days, I just never thought leaving here could or ever would be so hard. I already look forward to our visits!  

The Countdown Begins: Friday

It was nearly impossible to get a good picture of them all at once. But here's the gang. We had such a great time bowling with our friends tonight. This is our last Friday here, we couldn't have spent it in a better way or with better people. After bowling we went back to our church for pizza. The kids played while the adults enjoyed some heartfelt conversation. It was an emotional time sharing thoughts and memories. We look forward to many more memories made with this family even though we will be 7 hours apart from each other.

                                 

Home

This is getting so very real. I remember when we first moved here how we couldn't wait to move "back home". It's amazing how time changes things. Now as I sit here looking at all of these packed boxes my eyes well up with tears just knowing that the days of living where I now call home are almost of the past. Somewhere over the past 6 years, THIS has become home. "Back home" is no longer home, THIS is home.
This is where we have so many memories.
This is where we have some of the best friends we could ask for.
This is where so many things have happened that have shaped our family into what it is.
This is where we learned to be each others everything.
This is where we learned that life is not about money or how much stuff you have. It's not about being comfortable but about being where God puts you and wants you and being happy with that.
This is where we became a family of three, and then four, and now five.
This is where Erik has become the man of God that he is.
This is where I found salvation, and the peace that comes with that!
This is where we have watched our children go through medical problems and experienced answered prayers in every one of those situations:
        Accidents that involved a helicopter flight to Children's Hospital
        Unknown sky-high fevers leading to a diagnosis of a serious bladder/kidney abnormality in our 6 month old
       Hospitalizations
       A six hour surgery with our 13 month old little boy
       A very scary birth with our last child. For 4 minutes of our life we didn't know if we were planning a funeral or celebrating a birth.
      Waiting to hear if our child was going to live a normal life after the birth she experienced or if she was going to have lifelong handicaps. 

This is where we have seen God provide and work in amazing ways.
This is where we found a church and a pastor unlike any we've ever met before. 

This is where we have picked apples together every fall.
This is where we have gone hiking and biking, just enjoying the beauty of God's creation.

Looking back over the years I am so thankful for the time we have had to have lived here. I am not sure where our family would be had we not moved here when we did. All I can say is God has been so good. God has worked in amazing ways in both mine and Erik's life. I know some people do not and will not understand why it is so hard for us to leave our home. But these are just a few of the reasons. It is such an emotional roller coaster. I dearly love our family, but I dearly love my home and friends here too. Part of my wants to go, part of me wants to stay. Some days I feel like packing, some days I want to hide the boxes and bring back all of the furniture we have sold in order to make our move easier. I know that in time we will adjust, but it's that adjustment period that is going to be so hard. It's a huge change in our lives and I'm not sure I handle change well. This means a new job for Erik, a new church, a new neighborhood, a new climate, a new house. I will have to find a new circle of friends and a new support group for all of my mommy concerns. A new doctor, a new health food store, a new nutritionist, a new chiropractor. So many new things. When all of the new things look too hard to handle I think of the few that will be a welcome change and I start to feel like ok, I can do this. The welcome changes are family close by when I need help with the kids or when we want to go on a date. Family close by to get together for canning and preserving foods. Fun family birthday parties! My kids have never had a family birthday party, except for last year my mom just happened to be here for Blake's birthday. Holidays with grandma and grandpa! Field trips with cousins. Going for a tractor ride with their Uncle Ben. Learning about life with animals. Support for home schooling. And so much more! These are the things that I have to focus on when the hard times seem too hard to handle. When the emotions of leaving our home and church are so hard to get past, these are the things I have to remember. But for now we wait. We wait for a phone call that just 5 years ago we would have answered with the most enthusiasm.  

...and babies don’t keep.

"Babies Don’t Keep"

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

 Author: Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

This poem came to mind today as I was nursing sweet baby Ava down for her nap. Blake was already sleeping and Hailey was sitting on her bed looking at books for her quiet time. The list of chores that needed to be done today kept running through my mind and I found myself wishing that she would just hurry up and go to sleep. Then like lightening from Heaven this poem came to me. I put the checklist of chores out of my head and let her sleep for another few minutes in my arms before putting her in her crib. And then I was so glad that we did this today also....

As we were getting ready to leave for the playground I told Erik that I couldn't believe I was leaving such a mess behind. I don't usually do that and I'm very proud of myself for doing that today, for just letting it go and enjoying playtime with my kids. The dishes hadn't been washed from breakfast, there were boxes all over the house, halfway packed and ones still waiting to be packed, the kitchen needed to be mopped, and so many other things that I can't even remember right now, but I left it all behind to make memories today instead. And that is a huge accomplishment for me! After the bad day I had yesterday, as I was putting the kids in bed I promised them that I would take them to the playground as long as it wasn't raining when they woke up. I'm going to do that more often, I'm going to start telling them what I plan to do with them because they don't forget and then I will be accountable to make sure that I do. You see, I have this problem with feeling like I can't have fun before everything in the house is in tiptop shape, and as that never happens I never seem to have any fun with my children. And THAT is going to change. Too much time is passing me by while I worry about how clean my house is, too many memories are waiting to be made for some day when I get everything else done, and I'm done with that way of thinking. So here is my vow to have fun. This is where I leave the dishes and mopping and replace them with memories and giggles because....                                                                                           The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

                                But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
                                      So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep                                                                 I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep. 

Failure

Failure...That's what I feel like today. I just want today to be over so I can wake up and start fresh. The day started well but by noon I was stressed, not feeling well, and had a lot to get done in a short amount of time. And on top of it I had to go out for appointments with three little ones in tow and I knew it was going to be a long afternoon and evening. Our morning started off well, I even painted Hailey's nails all nice and pretty. 

But as the day progressed I slowly began to lose my cool and every little thing my kids did just grated on my already frazzled nerves. And now I feel like the worst parent in the world. They are all sleeping soundly, all cozy warm in their beds and I feel like waking them up so I can go and hug them and hold them, and tell them all how much I really do love them. Life has been busy and stressful and I didn't handle it well today. We are in the middle of packing for a big move, I'm having health problems, Ava is so out of sorts because I went off my diet severely and now she's suffering from it, and the list goes on. I did a lot of scolding and a lot of hushing them up today and now I'm left thinking over the day regretting every single minute of it. All I can do now is hope for a better day tomorrow.

Family Monday

I don't have much time to write tonight. It was a marathon night trying to get all three kids in bed. Erik is gone from 1:30-10:00 PM so it's up to me to do the whole dinner and bedtime routine. Ava was super fussy today and she wasn't eating or napping well. She's normally so happy and I get flustered easily when she does have an off day. Anyway, Monday was Erik's day off so it was family day. Ava had her checkup for her tongue tie revision. It went well but not as good as I was hoping for. The doctor said her lip looks great but her tongue has reattached a little bit and we have to keep doing the exercises for another week. He said as long as we are not having problems that he didn't want to open it back up. That's fine with me, I hate seeing her in pain. The exercises are horrible though and she absolutely hates them! I was so hoping to be done with them. On the way back we were all hungry so we stopped at 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. It was such a good lunch for fast food. It was the first time we had ever eaten anything there other than fries. The kids loved it, I think mostly because of the peanuts! They were more into cracking the peanut shells open than they were about actually eating the peanuts.

After lunch we went and walked around to look for souvenirs since we only have a few weeks left before we move from the Hudson Valley. But more on that in another post. I think the rest of the day was just spent at home doing some cleaning and packing. Oh how I hate moving! And now with three little ones it's even harder than the last times we have moved. But we will get through it, one way or another.

Another picture of Ava enjoying her lunch. She can't wait to eat French fries! She grabs for food like crazy but I'm just not ready for that one yet. How is she almost 6 months already? Time, please slow down. 

New Beginnings

So, here I am! Finally figuring this whole blogging thing out. Thanks to my friend Bianca who inspired me in the first place and then helped me get started with it. I've been wanting to do this for years. I want our family to have some way to look back at all of our crazy memories as a family and remember what we did. The joys, the trials, the fun, the everyday life, that's what this is all about. I used to do scrapbooking before kids, that is. Yeah, I don't even have to say anymore about that. If you've had kids, even one, you know what I'm talking about when I say I used to! Anyway, I hope this will be a much quicker and easier way for me to capture our memories. So here it goes to blogging. Enjoy! :) (And I know, this picture is missing Ava, but I don't think I have a picture of our whole family together yet!)