Saturday, February 28, 2015

Try Again

I've been away for quite a while. Time to get back into the groove. I feel like we're finding our new normal after our move and we're settling in, finally!
  I feel like this post is going to be just a bunch of rambling, there's been so much on my mind lately. The kids are doing great, growing up and getting bigger day by day. Hailey is maturing so much, every day she surprises me in some way, reminding me that she's not my little toddler anymore. She is four, almost five. How has it been that long? It makes me sad, but also happy to see her thriving and learning. She has her first two loose teeth and she is excited, because, of course, that means she's growing up. She's becoming my little helper in the kitchen. She peels vegetables for me, she puts dishes away, she loads the dishwasher, and she's starting to get the hang of using the broom to sweep the floors. She's such a sweetheart and just loves to please.
  Blake is still my little man but has become more of a daddy's boy lately. He was three years on Valentine's Day. I miss the way I used to be the center of his universe but I'm so happy that Daddy means so much to him. I feel that it's important for him to have his daddy time, to 'help' him fix the car, to wrestle with, to play cowboys and Indians with; cops and robbers. All the things that I don't necessarily love to do, he gets to do them with Daddy. Of course, Hailey is usually tagging along too while I'm keeping Ava out of the way. And he doesn't go anywhere without his big gun and green hat. Green is his favorite color and he makes sure that everyone knows that! 

  Next we have Ava. She's growing up way too fast! She has 6 teeth, she can wave and say bye-bye, she crawls, she pulls up to stand and she walks next to things, she climbs the stairs, and she's not sleeping through the night, haha! But she's my joy. Every time I look at her I can't help but think of how we almost did not get to experience all of these firsts with her. My mind goes back to the day of her birth and I ask myself how did I get so lucky to have a baby that survived that with no long term complications. In all of my reading and studying about what happened at her birth I have read so many, many stories of parents that were not so lucky. Parents who have empty arms after going through what we went through. I have learned so much through this and God has really used it to teach me some major lessons in life. I know for a fact that He held her in His hands those first two days of life. I look back and remember what happened and think of all of the things that could have happened, that were so close to happening, that did not. God's grace is the only thing my mind can come up with! She's our little Jewel. Ava Jewel.
  Next is Mommy and Daddy. Mommy is just busy with the normal things a stay at home mom finds to occupy her time. Meals, laundry, reading and singing with the kids, crafts, cleaning, shopping (grocery shopping only because any other type of shopping with three little ones in tow is just not fun!), and that pretty much sums it up. My newest adventure is experimenting with fermented foods. I am so excited to finally be doing this. It is something I've wanted to try for years now but just have not taken the plunge and just done it. Well, I did milk kefir for a while last fall and that was a success until we moved. My grains died during the move and I haven't gotten any more yet, but I did just order some so I'm super excited about that! But in the last few weeks I've made Kombucha and cultured sourkraut. Here's the link for the one I made, it was so easy! http://www.culturedfoodlife.com/sauerkraut-without-a-culture/
It doesn't taste quite like the store bought fermented foods but I guess it will just take a little bit of playing around with it to get it the way I want.
  On top of the fermented foods adventure, I've been working on my plans for Hailey's first year of school that is sneaking up on me faster than I would like! There is so much out there that it all gets to be too much and I need to take a break. What style, what curriculum, etc... I think I have it narrowed down and am getting excited about getting to work on it with her. Another thing that has been eating away at me mentally and emotionally is Ava's birth and all that happened the way I did not plan it. It's hard to go from home birth to NICU. Harder than I had ever imagined. And on top of it to have midwives that seemed to have swept us under the rug to protect their reputation. I like to give them the benefit of the doubt, and I have been for almost 9 months, but it's starting to wear off. I'm really wondering what's up with them. This is all too much for this post though, I will have to address this in another post. There are too many details, too many things that just don't add up. Too much junk to hash it all out here right now, and honestly, I do not have the energy to do that right now.
  Last but not least is Daddy. He's been working so hard. We have accumulated some bills over the past few years that we just had not been able to catch up with and so he's been working overtime and two jobs to be debt free. I feel so bad about it because part of that debt was from me. Our home birth cost us out of pocket money and he was so gracious and willing to give me my dream anyway. He's so sweet, he just wanted me to have the experience that I dreamed of, a home birth. Moving on....But when he's home we all cherish the times we spend together. He plays with the kids and helps me so much, I feel lost without him here. We just spent 5 days together visiting our Hudson Valley friends and it was so refreshing. But now back to the daily grind. I love him so much, he's my everything!
  I suppose I should sign off now. Daddy will be home soon and the kitchen is still a mess. I put the kids to bed and came right to the computer to get started on this post. I've missed my blogging and am happy to be back at it again. I don't know why I stayed away for so long. At the end of the day it feels so good to sit down and write. I don't write because I plan on people reading it, I actually get scared at the thought of people reading this, ha! but I write because I want the memories of our every day life written down, to look back on and share with the kids when they are older. Something for me and Erik to sit down and read when we're old and gray, sitting on the front porch in our rockers, to remember our sweet times as a young family. So this is it, ramblings and musings of our everyday life. And hopefully many more to follow.
    

Thursday, January 29, 2015

My God Is So Big

I just had to write this down before I forget it. I was sitting in the living room with the kids, we were all folding towels and washcloths together singing My God Is So Big. We were discussing things that God can and does give to us, things that He can do, etc. Blake says, "Can he give us big guns for to shoot?" Yes, Blake. God can even provide big guns for us. This kid is too cute.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Finally Back!

I'm back! After an 8 hour move and three weeks of no internet access I have a lot of catching up to do. I can't wait to get busy again!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Saturday

  We were able to spend Saturday afternoon with a very special family. We have known Keith and Bianca since before either of our families had any children. We met at our birth classes and have kept in touch since. I can't believe that was 5 years ago now! Both me and Bianca were pregnant with our first and she was on bed rest, so we met at her house every Saturday morning for the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy. It was such an exciting time. I'm so glad that we have remained friends. Since then there have been 3 more babies between our two families. It is so nice to have a friend who is going through a lot of the same things at the same time as me. I know she 'gets it' when I talk about all the struggles parenting brings! I am going to miss our play dates and meetups, but I have to keep reminding myself, this is not goodbye, it's see you later. I have been a mess the last few days, I just never thought leaving here could or ever would be so hard. I already look forward to our visits!  



Friday, November 14, 2014

The Countdown Begins: Friday






It was nearly impossible to get a good picture of them all at once. But here's the gang. We had such a great time bowling with our friends tonight. This is our last Friday here, we couldn't have spent it in a better way or with better people. After bowling we went back to our church for pizza. The kids played while the adults enjoyed some heartfelt conversation. It was an emotional time sharing thoughts and memories. We look forward to many more memories made with this family even though we will be 7 hours apart from each other.


                                 




Monday, November 3, 2014

Home

This is getting so very real. I remember when we first moved here how we couldn't wait to move "back home". It's amazing how time changes things. Now as I sit here looking at all of these packed boxes my eyes well up with tears just knowing that the days of living where I now call home are almost of the past. Somewhere over the past 6 years, THIS has become home. "Back home" is no longer home, THIS is home.
This is where we have so many memories.
This is where we have some of the best friends we could ask for.
This is where so many things have happened that have shaped our family into what it is.
This is where we learned to be each others everything.
This is where we learned that life is not about money or how much stuff you have. It's not about being comfortable but about being where God puts you and wants you and being happy with that.
This is where we became a family of three, and then four, and now five.
This is where Erik has become the man of God that he is.
This is where I found salvation, and the peace that comes with that!
This is where we have watched our children go through medical problems and experienced answered prayers in every one of those situations:
        Accidents that involved a helicopter flight to Children's Hospital
        Unknown sky-high fevers leading to a diagnosis of a serious bladder/kidney abnormality in our 6 month old
       Hospitalizations
       A six hour surgery with our 13 month old little boy
       A very scary birth with our last child. For 4 minutes of our life we didn't know if we were planning a funeral or celebrating a birth.
      Waiting to hear if our child was going to live a normal life after the birth she experienced or if she was going to have lifelong handicaps. 
This is where we have seen God provide and work in amazing ways.
This is where we found a church and a pastor unlike any we've ever met before. 
This is where we have picked apples together every fall.
This is where we have gone hiking and biking, just enjoying the beauty of God's creation.
Looking back over the years I am so thankful for the time we have had to have lived here. I am not sure where our family would be had we not moved here when we did. All I can say is God has been so good. God has worked in amazing ways in both mine and Erik's life. I know some people do not and will not understand why it is so hard for us to leave our home. But these are just a few of the reasons. It is such an emotional roller coaster. I dearly love our family, but I dearly love my home and friends here too. Part of my wants to go, part of me wants to stay. Some days I feel like packing, some days I want to hide the boxes and bring back all of the furniture we have sold in order to make our move easier. I know that in time we will adjust, but it's that adjustment period that is going to be so hard. It's a huge change in our lives and I'm not sure I handle change well. This means a new job for Erik, a new church, a new neighborhood, a new climate, a new house. I will have to find a new circle of friends and a new support group for all of my mommy concerns. A new doctor, a new health food store, a new nutritionist, a new chiropractor. So many new things. When all of the new things look too hard to handle I think of the few that will be a welcome change and I start to feel like ok, I can do this. The welcome changes are family close by when I need help with the kids or when we want to go on a date. Family close by to get together for canning and preserving foods. Fun family birthday parties! My kids have never had a family birthday party, except for last year my mom just happened to be here for Blake's birthday. Holidays with grandma and grandpa! Field trips with cousins. Going for a tractor ride with their Uncle Ben. Learning about life with animals. Support for home schooling. And so much more! These are the things that I have to focus on when the hard times seem too hard to handle. When the emotions of leaving our home and church are so hard to get past, these are the things I have to remember. But for now we wait. We wait for a phone call that just 5 years ago we would have answered with the most enthusiasm.  

Friday, October 31, 2014

...and babies don’t keep.

"Babies Don’t Keep"

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
 Author: Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

This poem came to mind today as I was nursing sweet baby Ava down for her nap. Blake was already sleeping and Hailey was sitting on her bed looking at books for her quiet time. The list of chores that needed to be done today kept running through my mind and I found myself wishing that she would just hurry up and go to sleep. Then like lightening from Heaven this poem came to me. I put the checklist of chores out of my head and let her sleep for another few minutes in my arms before putting her in her crib. And then I was so glad that we did this today also....





As we were getting ready to leave for the playground I told Erik that I couldn't believe I was leaving such a mess behind. I don't usually do that and I'm very proud of myself for doing that today, for just letting it go and enjoying playtime with my kids. The dishes hadn't been washed from breakfast, there were boxes all over the house, halfway packed and ones still waiting to be packed, the kitchen needed to be mopped, and so many other things that I can't even remember right now, but I left it all behind to make memories today instead. And that is a huge accomplishment for me! After the bad day I had yesterday, as I was putting the kids in bed I promised them that I would take them to the playground as long as it wasn't raining when they woke up. I'm going to do that more often, I'm going to start telling them what I plan to do with them because they don't forget and then I will be accountable to make sure that I do. You see, I have this problem with feeling like I can't have fun before everything in the house is in tiptop shape, and as that never happens I never seem to have any fun with my children. And THAT is going to change. Too much time is passing me by while I worry about how clean my house is, too many memories are waiting to be made for some day when I get everything else done, and I'm done with that way of thinking. So here is my vow to have fun. This is where I leave the dishes and mopping and replace them with memories and giggles because....                                                                                           The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
                                But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
                                      So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep                                                                 I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep. 








Chasing the Wind

Chasing the wind. That's what I feel like I'm doing trying to figure Evelyn out. I don't even know anymore if we're treating...